How I Practice Self-Care (And How to Find What Works for You)
What is self-care?
For me, it’s about finding small ways to remind myself that I'm a beautiful soul having a human experience—not just a robotic collection of responsibilities, deadlines, and things I need to get done. And as someone who genuinely loves being productive, this is something I have to remind myself of pretty regularly.
I love my work, and I love creating things. I love filling my days with projects and ideas and activities; it’s truly my passion, and I’m blessed to work in such an aligned way. But I've also learned that just because I can fill every available hour with something doesn't mean I should.
Sometimes, I need to stop doing and just exist for a second.
Over the years and through waves of grief, I've developed a collection of rituals that help me feel more grounded, connected, and generally happy to be alive.
Here are a few of my favorites.
Moving my body
Dance has been part of my life for as long as I can remember, so naturally, movement is one of my biggest forms of self-care, but I don't always want to dance.
Sometimes, I want to stretch deeply, taking a lot of time to pay attention to nothing but my own breath. Sometimes, I’m drawn to yoga or Pilates. Sometimes I just want to go for a walk, get some fresh air, and let my mind wander through my surroundings.
I think it's important to distinguish between moving your body because you feel like you have to and moving your body because it feels good. Not every workout needs to be challenging, and not every movement session needs to accomplish something.
Sometimes I just want to feel myself existing in my body rather than living exclusively inside my brain.
Paying attention to my cats
There are few things I love more than a quiet moment with my cats. I love to just sit there, pet them, listen to them purr, and look into their eyes.
My cats inspire me to self-care. They sleep when they're tired, stretch when they feel like it, find the best patch of sunlight in the house, and seem completely unconcerned with whether they've been productive or not.
Reading, music, and getting lost in something else
As a writer, I spend a lot of time thinking about words. But when I can’t find them, I love getting lost in a book, particularly when it's something completely different from whatever I'm working on myself. There's something refreshing about temporarily stepping outside your own life and entering somebody else's.
Music does something similar for me. Sometimes I'll put on a song and immediately feel my mood shift. Sometimes I want to dance around the house. Other times I want to listen closely, appreciate the production, or simply let an album play while I do absolutely nothing else.
Not everything we consume needs to be educational or productive. Sometimes art is just there to make us feel something.
The little beauty rituals
I love a good facial. I love a massage, although I really need to start getting them more often. And I love painting my nails.
There's something about setting aside time to take care of yourself physically that feels incredibly grounding to me. It doesn't have to be extravagant, either. Sometimes painting my nails at home is just as satisfying as booking an appointment somewhere.
I think there's value in doing something purely because it makes you feel good. Not because you're trying to fix something about yourself; just because you enjoy it.
Making ordinary things feel special
One of my favorite forms of self-care is making myself a really nice matcha: taking the time to prepare it, enjoy the process, and sit down to drink it.
I feel the same way about cooking. When I'm busy, cooking can feel like another chore on an already crowded to-do list. But when I have the time and energy to approach it slowly, it becomes something completely different.
Choosing ingredients, chopping vegetables, experimenting with spices, putting on some music, and taking my time: suddenly, something I have to do becomes something I get to do.
Spending time with people I love
I love my alone time, but connection is just as important to me.
Some of my happiest moments are the simplest ones spent with my sweet husband. Talking, laughing, cooking together, going somewhere new, or just enjoying each other's company.
I also love going to the beach. There's something about being near the ocean that immediately changes my perspective. I always leave feeling better than when I arrived, and sometimes that's all I need.
How to find your own version of self-care
You might have read through that entire list and thought, That sounds lovely, but none of those things really appeal to me.
That’s okay. Self-care is personal. What feels restorative to one person might feel exhausting, boring, uncomfortable, or completely pointless to somebody else.
A long walk might help me clear my head, while someone else would much rather stay home and play video games. I might love getting a facial, while another person finds the entire experience deeply uncomfortable.
Neither approach is more legitimate. The trick is figuring out what actually works for you, and I think one of the best ways to do that is to interview yourself.
Interview yourself
Grab a notebook, open a document, or just sit somewhere quiet and ask yourself a few questions:
When do I feel most like myself? Think about the moments when you feel comfortable, confident, relaxed, or genuinely happy. What are you doing? Who are you with?
What activities make me feel better afterward? Not necessarily while you're doing them, but once they're over. What leaves you feeling lighter, calmer, or more energized?
What did I love doing as a child? Before you had a job, responsibilities, and an endless list of things to accomplish, how did you naturally choose to spend your time?
What am I doing because I genuinely enjoy it, and what am I doing because I think I should? This one might require a little honesty. Just because something is marketed as healthy, productive, or restorative doesn't mean it's right for you.
What do I need more of in my life right now? Rest? Movement? Creativity? Connection? Solitude? Adventure? Sometimes the best form of self-care is simply giving yourself more of whatever you've been missing.
Don't worry about having perfect answers. In fact, I'd encourage you to revisit these questions every once in a while. What you need today might be completely different from what you need six months from now.
A little more living, a little less optimizing
I think the biggest mistake we make with self-care is turning it into another thing we're supposed to be good at, but taking care of yourself shouldn't feel like another performance.
You don't need an elaborate skincare routine, a gym membership, a meditation app, and a color-coded morning schedule to prove that you're prioritizing your well-being. You just need to pay attention to what your body is asking for.
Notice what makes you feel good. Notice what drains you. Notice when you're pushing yourself too hard, and when you might actually benefit from getting up and doing something. And give yourself permission to change your mind.
Some days, self-care might look like a Pilates class and a homemade matcha. Other days, it might look like lying on the couch with your cat for two hours. Both count, and you're allowed to enjoy your life while you're living it.
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