The Power of Forgiveness

When someone says “forgive but don’t forget,” I don’t hear an instruction to harden myself or keep score. I hear an invitation to value myself. To be loving, but also firm about what is healthy and acceptable for me.

Forgiving and forgetting doesn’t feel loving. Forgiving while maintaining necessary boundaries does. That distinction matters. Forgiveness, at its best, isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about choosing how the past gets to shape you.

Memory as protection

For some of us, forgetting isn’t easy or even possible. I don’t forget injustices easily. Honestly, I’m not sure what “forgetting” even feels like. My memory doesn’t work that way. I use memory as protection. It’s information, and that information helps me feel safe.

That kind of memory can be useful. It can keep us from repeating harm. It can sharpen discernment. But it has a shadow side too. Protection can quietly turn into confinement.

I’ve noticed that sometimes memory keeps me loyal to outdated versions of people. I remember who they were at their worst and don’t always leave room for who they might be becoming. Memory can preserve truth, but it can also freeze people in time. When that happens, forgiveness isn’t blocked by anger. It’s blocked by certainty.

There are certain things I almost never forget. Betrayal, especially. The feeling that someone didn’t have my best interest at heart. That feeling creates a sense of unsafety, and I’ve learned that feeling unsafe is a powerful trigger for me. Because of it, I don’t trust easily. My inability to forget shapes my relationships more than I’d like to admit.

This is where forgiveness becomes less about morality and more about freedom.

Who forgiveness is really for

For a long time, I thought forgiveness was something you did for other people. Now I see it as something larger. Forgiveness is for love, for connection, for remembering our shared humanity. It’s a way of staying open without staying unprotected.

That doesn’t mean forgiveness is easy or risk-free. Forgiveness asks for openness, and openness can feel dangerous. It requires honesty about what happened without letting that honesty calcify into resentment.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that forgiveness does not require reconciliation. You can forgive someone and still choose distance. You can release the burden without returning to the place where harm occurred. That isn’t bitterness. It’s wisdom.

Forgiveness doesn’t have to mean returning.

Forgiving the self

The hardest forgiveness, though, is often self-forgiveness.

I still hold a younger version of myself on trial. The version who made mistakes, didn’t take the best care of herself, didn’t know what she knows now. I’m often harsher with her than I am with anyone else. When I imagine speaking to her without judgment, what comes out isn’t condemnation. It’s reassurance. You’re learning. You’re figuring things out. You’re making the mistakes you were almost destined to make given your surroundings and your conditioning. You will figure it out.

Self-forgiveness makes everything possible. It allows creativity, flexibility, and growth. Without it, we become rigid. We stay stuck trying to punish our way into becoming better.

Holding onto resentment doesn’t protect us the way we think it does. It lives in the body. It disrupts flow. It quietly drains energy. Carrying shame and fear forward year after year isn’t strength. It’s weight.

A fresh start doesn’t mean erasing memory. It means changing your relationship to it. Forgiveness changes perspective. It changes emotional posture. It creates space inside.

Maybe forgiveness doesn’t change what happened. Maybe it changes who gets to decide what happens next.

This year, I don’t want to forget. I want to remember clearly, love honestly, and choose what no longer gets to have power over me.

An invitation to go within

If this reflection stirred something in you, know that you don’t have to navigate that inner work alone. Forgiveness, self-trust, and healing all begin with understanding yourself more deeply, your patterns, your triggers, your needs, and your capacity for growth.

That’s why The Inner Self Magazine exists: a guided space for women who want to go inward with intention, compassion, and clarity. Inside, you’ll find tools, prompts, and reflections designed to help you understand yourself more honestly and relate to your inner world with less judgment and more care.

Forgiveness starts within. And when you give yourself the space to listen, reflect, and understand, you create the conditions for real change.

If you’re ready to begin, you can explore The Inner Self Magazine here.